I Should've Followed You Home
by KJaneway115
Summary: Shortly after Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay disappears and Janeway receives a surprising letter that helps her find a new perspective.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story was inspired by Shonetta's beautiful video, I Should've Followed You Home, and the song of the same title by Agnetha Faltskog. Thanks to Shonetta for the inspiration and to Mizvoy for the, as always, careful and patient editing._

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I Should've Followed You Home

_By KJaneway115_

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Kathryn Janeway inhaled deeply and savored the smell of fresh air. She had been back on Earth for nearly six months, and for six months, she had waited to come here. Nowhere else in the universe did the air smell as fresh and sweet as it did at Lake George. She took another deep breath, grabbed her bag from the back of the hovercar, and headed towards the house. She only spent a moment inside, depositing her luggage inside the screen porch. Then, as she walked down the hill towards the water, she broke into a run, and suddenly she felt as if she were seven years old again, arriving at the lake for a summer vacation with her grandparents. Once a year, every year of life until she had been stranded in the Delta Quadrant, she had spent time at Lake George. And each year, the first thing she did was hurry to the water's edge to greet the lake. Now, as she crouched down and immersed her hands in the water, the heels of her Starfleet issue boots digging into the sand, she felt an unexpected lump rise in her throat. "Hello," she whispered, as if the lake could hear her. The water responded by lapping at her fingers, and she touched her wet fingertips to her forehead - a blessing, a healing, a renewal.

She stood and walked onto the dock, gazing out across the water. The lake was still like glass, with only the occasional ripple disturbing it. It was after sunset, and the sky, lined with hazy clouds, had already turned a deep purple. In seven years, only the sight of her home planet on _Voyager_'s view screen had been more beautiful. Although it had been six month since she had returned to the Alpha Quadrant, this was the first chance she'd gotten to escape to Lake George.

The cabin had been in the Janeway family for five generations. It was nestled among the trees, up a small hill from the water. It had a private beach and a private dock that faced west and was the perfect place to sit and watch the sunset. As children, Kathryn and Phoebe had played pretend in the surrounding forest and spent long days in the lake. When she was a teenager, the lake had become Kathryn's sanctuary. Over the years, it had remained a constant in her life, a place of peace and renewal that allowed her to collect her thoughts and feel whole again. She knew that this place was what she needed now.

The last six months had been trying, but not for the reasons she had anticipated. Starfleet had welcomed the former Maquis, Seven and Icheb with open arms. The challenge had not been courts martial or fighting jail sentences. The real challenge had been helping her crew adjust to life back on Earth, renewing familial relationships and old friendships, accepting new assignments and assimilating into new crews when her crew had been used to working together for so many years. Kathryn had dealt with these challenges herself while she'd tried to help her crew face them. And the process was made ten times harder by the fact that Chakotay was no longer by her side to share the burden.

From somewhere in the distance, she heard the long, lonely cry of the loon, and she wished she could answer in kind to let the bird know that a kindred soul had heard it, that it wasn't alone. She looked up at the sky. The first stars were just becoming visible as dusk settled over the land. _Are you out there somewhere? _she wondered. _Will you ever come back to me? You're not alone, Chakotay. I know, wherever you are, whatever you're going through, you must feel terribly, utterly alone. But you're not. I'm there with you._

She felt a familiar constriction in her chest. She'd been given a second chance, but by the time she realized it, she'd already been too late.

_ They'd been home for two weeks, and she hadn't unpacked a single bag. Debriefings, celebrations, interviews with media, and meetings with Federation Council members had occupied every minute of her time. Now, finally, she had a quiet moment to herself. Starfleet had assigned her temporary quarters, and although she wanted something more permanent, she couldn't foresee having time to look for a house any time soon. So at the very least, she needed to unpack more than a couple of uniforms and a toothbrush._

_ She was going through a Starfleet issue duffel bag that she had packed on _Voyager_ when she found a PADD she did not remember packing. "What's this?" she murmured. She activated it and froze when she saw the signature: Admiral Kathryn Janeway. When she recovered her faculties, she sat down on the edge of the bed and began to read._

Dear Kathryn,

It's strange to be writing a letter to myself, but I suppose I'm getting the opportunity that everyone wishes they had: the chance to go back. So, I'm going to offer you some unsolicited advice, not that I expect you to take it. I, of all people, know how stubborn you can be. But please, try to listen, and take this in the spirit in which it's meant.

First, I have to apologize for the way I told you some of what I told you about your future, your potential future. At the time, it seemed like the only way to get your attention. And I needed to get your attention.

Now, I'll answer a question you_ didn't _ask. I've got to hand it to you, really, for not asking. There's that stubbornness again, I guess. I could see it in your eyes though; I could see you wondering, every time you looked at him, every time you looked at me. What happened to my Chakotay? He died not long after we made it home. He kept his promise and stood by my side until then, but I think that was all he could take. The doctors never could explain it. They had him on all kinds of feeding tubes and vitamin supplements, but he just wasted away. I think he just gave up. He had nothing to live for, nothing to fight for. Seven was gone. Tom and B'Elanna visited, but they had their own life and their own family. The other former Maquis were either scattered or dead. And our friendship... Well, I guess he thought we were past the point of no return, and I don't blame him for that. I never gave him any reason to think otherwise. Another thing to add to my long list of regrets.

When I found out about him and Seven, it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I got over it, or thought I did. I officiated at their wedding. I smiled. I put on a brave face. I think I convinced him that I was happy for them. I spent some time with them as a couple, but after Seven died, it was too hard to be alone with him, and we stopped spending time together. I don't know if he blamed me for sending her on that away mission, but I certainly blamed myself. I couldn't look him in the eye after that; I thought I had taken away the thing that was most precious to him. I saw that he was suffering, but I didn't know how to help him. I didn't want to add my burden to the one he was already carrying. But I still needed him; I missed him desperately. I used to pace back and forth in my quarters and talk to him as if he was there with me. I still talk to him, you know; I never could quit that habit. Unfortunately, it's been a one way conversation for many years. I can't tell you how much I've longed for him to answer me.

I was never with anyone else. I just couldn't conceive of it. It wasn't for lack of opportunities; there were a line of suitors at my door, all anxious to court the famous captain who brought _Voyager _home. But I couldn't bring myself to look at a single one of them. Don't mistake me; Chakotay and I were never a couple, not in the traditional sense, anyway. But I realized, after he was gone, that he meant much more to me than I'd ever admitted to myself. I realized a lot of things after he was gone.

You might think that I told you about his marriage to Seven and about Seven's death so that you could ensure their happy future together. But if there's one thing you can learn from my actions, it's that the future is never set in stone. Never.

I've always wondered, if I had handled the situation differently, what would have happened between us. Now, even though I won't live to see it, you get to find out. Don't lose him, Kathryn. You need him and he needs you. As friends, as lovers, as partners, it doesn't matter in what capacity. But don't shut him out, and don't try to determine what will make him happy. Don't sacrifice yourself for what you think he wants. Trust me. You can't live without him, and he sure as hell won't live without you.

It's too late for me, now. I've lived too long without hope, without faith, without trust, and without him. But you still have a chance. Only one of us is going home after this mission, and I'm glad that one of us is you. Most of us only get one life. In a way, I've been given two, and for that, I'm grateful. But this is your last chance. Don't waste it.

Admiral Kathryn Janeway

_ When she finished reading the letter, hot tears were streaming down Janeway's cheeks. Because the admiral had warned her, she had not been surprised when Chakotay and Seven had beamed off of _Voyager_ together after the debriefings. She had smiled at them and given them each a friendly hug. She had felt Chakotay's gaze boring into her, but she had avoided his eyes and ordered the transporter operator to energize. She hadn't wondered what he'd wanted to say until the admiral's words had put everything into a new perspective._

_ Reading over the message again, Kathryn realized what a fool she'd been. Had she ruined the greatest friendship she'd ever had? They hadn't always seen eye to eye, but Chakotay had been by her side for seven years, and he had never let her down. She had depended on him as an officer and cared about him deeply as a friend. Yet she had allowed him to walk away without more than a perfunctory hug and some empty words of encouragement. She owed him more than that, a lot more. Sniffling and wiping her sleeve across her eyes, Janeway vowed to comm Chakotay in the morning and tell him what she should have said weeks earlier. _

_ The next morning, when she attempted to contact him, he was already gone._

Two weeks after _Voyager_'s return, Chakotay had accepted a top secret assignment. Even Janeway didn't know what it was or where he had gone; she was lucky she'd been able to pry even that much information out of Admiral Paris. Whatever the mission was, it must have been urgent and very secret, because he left without saying a word to anyone.

In the months since then, she had learned that he and Seven had ended their brief liaison before he had left, but Seven had no idea if his mission had any bearing on that decision. Seven had confided in Janeway that she was glad he had ended it, because she needed time to explore many relationship options now that the entire Alpha Quadrant was at her disposal. Kathryn had felt a quiet relief at this, but the feeling was short lived.

A month into his mission, Chakotay had failed to check in with his supervisor. Two weeks later, he had been declared officially missing. Starfleet had made several attempts to learn his whereabouts, but Janeway had been kept entirely out of the loop. She was seen as too biased where her former crew was concerned, and this frustrated her immensely. She wanted to _do _something. Instead, she was relegated to the sidelines while Starfleet assured her they were doing everything they could to find and rescue her former first officer. She knew it wouldn't be long now before they gave up the search and declared him dead.

As she stared out at the water, dusk falling around her, she was flooded with memories. She had not been to Lake George in seven years, but she had created a holographic representation of the place on _Voyager_, and Chakotay was the only person she had ever shared it with. The stars began to appear in the night sky, and she remembered a night, long ago, when they had sat together on the deck of a holographic sailboat, their bodies pressed too close together while she pointed out the constellations to him. She remembered the look in his eyes, the one that told too much, when he had thought he had lost her. She remembered thinking that the night air on the holodeck smelled almost as sweet as the real thing, and telling him so. "I can't imagine anything sweeter than this," he had whispered in response, and she had known he had wanted to kiss her, but he had held back. So many times, he had held back. So many times, she had concealed her true feelings, even from herself.

_This is your last chance. Don't waste it._ The admiral's words. But Kathryn was afraid she had already lost whatever chance she'd had.


	2. Chapter 2

_The lake was dark, black. The sun had set hours earlier, and the sky was black, too. Even the stars seemed distant and they flickered, growing dimmer as if they were losing fuel. Kathryn was lying on the dock, face down, the uneven slats pressing uncomfortably into her body. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked around. The night air felt warm on her skin, and she heard the waves lapping gently at the shore. She peered out into the eerie darkness, looking one way, and then another, straining to see in the dim starlight. Suddenly, a light caught her eye, and she sat up, looking at it. It appeared to be a bright lantern in the middle of the water, twinkling in the distance. _

_ "Hello!" she called. "Is anyone out there?" There was no verbal response, but she saw the light flash. "Hello!" she called a second time. "Do you need help?" The light blinked._

_ Hurriedly, she made her way to the fishing boat that sat on shore and began to pull it out into the water. She jumped in and grabbed the oars, but when she looked in the direction of the light, it was gone._

Kathryn jolted awake from the dream in a cold sweat. _It was only a dream_, she told herself, forcing herself to steady her breathing. She was in her bed at the Lake George cabin. There was no one in the water who needed her help. Everything was fine. She tried to close her eyes and go back to sleep, but after several attempts, she realized it was useless.

Throwing on her robe, she got out of bed and made a pot of coffee. It was just after 0400. She pulled the robe around herself more tightly and took her coffee into the living room. As she curled up on the sofa, the dream replayed in her mind. Even though she knew it was impossible, she couldn't shake the feeling that the flickering light in her dream belonged to Chakotay. _You're being ridiculous_, she told herself. _It's just your subconscious trying to process his disappearance. _

Even so, she got up and went to her computer console, checking the news feeds and the Starfleet server, looking for any new information that might be related to her former first officer's disappearance.

An hour later, she got the call. "Captain Janeway?" said Admiral Paris on the other end of the comm. "I'm sorry to wake you."

"It's all right, Admiral. I was awake."

"I know you're on vacation, Captain, but I thought you'd want to know about this right away."

Janeway felt as if a rock had suddenly landed in the pit of her stomach. "It's Chakotay, isn't it?"

Paris nodded. "He's been found."

For a moment, she felt as though she couldn't breathe. She opened and closed her mouth twice before she could make herself form the words. "Is he alive?"

"He's hanging on by a thread at the moment. The prognosis isn't good, but he still has a fighting chance."

She swallowed hard and blinked rapidly, trying to keep a professional demeanor. But her voice shook when she asked, "When can I see him?"

"I don't know. He's in surgery right now at Starfleet Medical in San Francisco. Your EMH has been called in to assist with his care, since he was Chakotay's physician for so many years. Starfleet wants him to undergo rehabilitation and counseling before he sees anyone."

"But surely I can help." Janeway heard her own voice becoming desperate. "He'll want to see me. It will help."

"I'll ask the doctors' permission, Kathryn, but I can't make any guarantees."

"I'm coming back to San Francisco today. I'll reschedule the rest of my leave. Please tell me as soon as I can see him."

"I will, Kathryn. I promise. Paris out."

When the comm channel closed and she was alone, Janeway buried her face in her hands and cried. _You can't live without him, _Admiral Janeway had said, _and he sure as hell won't live without you. _The words echoed in her mind now as if she had heard them spoken aloud. _Please, don't let it be too late. You don't have to live without me, Chakotay. Don't make me live without you._

...

It was three days before Admiral Paris called to tell her she could see him. And even then, she could only peer through the window of his hospital room. They would not allow her inside. Paris led her silently through Starfleet Medical to a wing she hadn't even known existed. "No visitors," the doors said. Paris gave her a special pass that permitted her to go behind the heavy doors, where doctors dressed in white were bustling through the hallways with solemn expressions on their faces, and each patient was kept in an isolated room. Janeway felt her hands begin to shake as she followed Paris through the sterile hallway. He stopped just in front of her, outside one of the hospital rooms, and when she looked through the window, she gasped.

She barely recognized the man who lay in the bed. His face was gaunt, and his skin was hanging off his body. Even though he was covered by a medical blanket, she could tell that he was emaciated. There was a feeding tube attached to his mouth and a cortical monitor blinking on his forehead. The EMH looked up from his medical tricorder to see Janeway and Paris standing outside the room. He closed the tricorder and slipped into the hallway to join them.

"I'll leave you two to talk for a minute," Paris said, laying a hand on Janeway's shoulder and squeezing gently.

She nodded, unable to tear her eyes from the man in the hospital bed. "Captain, I'm sorry you had to see him like this," the Doctor said.

Somehow, she found her voice. "I wanted to see him. I insisted." She was shaking all over.

The EMH took her arm and steered her away from the window. "Let's go to my office."

She let the Doctor lead her, taking the short walk between the hospital room and his office to compose herself. When they were seated in the Doctor's office, he handed her a steaming mug of coffee, and she took a long sip to calm her nerves. "What happened to him?"

"I can't go into the details without revealing classified information, but I have every reason to believe that Commander Chakotay is going to make a full recovery."

"That's why Paris waited until today to call me, isn't it? So that you could tell me that?"

"Yes. Until today I wasn't sure."

Kathryn was struggling to keep her emotions in check and swallowed hard to push down the lump that kept rising in her throat. "You're sure? You're sure he's going to be okay?"

"The commander has been through the ringer, so to speak, but he's healthy, and he has a strong will. He's going to be fine."

"What the hell happened to him, Doctor? I'm tired of being stonewalled. I want some straight answers."

"I don't think that Admiral Paris would..."

"I don't give a damn what Admiral Paris thinks, or anyone else for that matter. I have been dying inside for six months, wondering if that man on the table in there was dead or alive. Starfleet has cut me out of the loop, refused to give me any information about his whereabouts or his mission, and now they won't even let me speak to him." Her voice wavered. "Doctor, you and I have known each other for a long time. You know, better than most, what he and I have been through together, and you know how much he means to me." Her voice was shaking now, and she was afraid she was about to burst into tears. "Please, tell me what happened to him. Give me something that I can hang onto here."

"All right," the Doctor replied, holding up a hand. "But what I'm about to tell you cannot leave this room." Janeway nodded. "Commander Chakotay was on an undercover mission to Breen. Something happened - we still don't know what - and his identity was discovered. He was captured, imprisoned and tortured, and has been held in a Breen prison for the past five months. Last week, Starfleet was able to mount a rescue mission." The Doctor grimaced. "When he first came to me, he was in worse shape than he is now. He's undergone major surgery to repair broken bones and ruptured organs, and I've done extensive dermal regeneration as well. It was touch and go for the first forty-eight hours. I finally stabilized him early this morning. Admiral Paris decided to let you see him so that you could let the rest of the _Voyager_ crew know how he's doing, but the commander won't be allowed to receive visitors for several weeks."

"Weeks?" Silent tears were running down Janeway's cheeks now, and her voice sounded small and vulnerable.

The Doctor had never seen his captain so fragile, and he softened his tone as he tried to explain. "He needs to undergo extensive rehabilitation, both physically and mentally, and Starfleet will need to debrief him before he is permitted to speak to anyone."

"Has his family been notified of his condition?"

"They've been told that he's alive and undergoing extensive treatment."

Janeway was sitting absolutely still, stone-faced except for the tears coursing down her cheeks. The Doctor rounded his desk and pulled her up out of her chair into a warm hug. "Captain... Kathryn, it's going to be okay. Listen to me, it's going to be okay." With the Doctor's arms around her, Janeway gave in to her emotions and let herself cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Just over three weeks later, Kathryn was back at Starfleet Medical, nervously pacing the lobby. Chakotay was about to be released, and she was there to meet him. Twenty-four hours earlier, the EMH had contacted her to let her know that Chakotay was allowed to see visitors and that he would be released later that day. She knew that Tom, B'Elanna and Miral had visited him, as well as several other members of _Voyager_'s former crew. But, knowing that it would be only a few hours until he was released, she had wanted to wait and see him out of bed and moving on his own. She hadn't told him she was coming, and her stomach was doing flip-flops as she paced from one end of the reception area to the other.

Then she looked up, and he was standing in the doorway wearing blue jeans and a short-sleeved black t-shirt. His face lit up in surprise and delight when he saw her. "Kathryn!"

"Chakotay," she breathed, barely able to believe that he was really standing before her. He walked towards her slowly, favoring his left side, but able to walk without the support of a cane. He was still thin, and she could see in his eyes the evidence of what he had been through, but he was still her Chakotay. He reached her, walking with his uneven gait, and opened his arms to her. She extended her hands, tentatively, and touched his waist, running her palms up his sides, feeling where his ribs were still too close to the skin. She drew her hands over his chest and felt him lean into the contact. She traced from his shoulders down his arms, then laced her fingers with his and squeezed his hands.

As she took inventory of his body, he watched her eyes intently, gazing at her as if he had been starved for her image. "I can't believe it's really you," he whispered.

She blushed and took his face between her palms. "You look-you look great." Her eyes filled with tears as she felt the warmth of his skin.

He reached up to her cheek and brushed away a fat tear with his thumb. "What have you been doing for the last six months?"

She tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a sob. "Oh, you know. Little assignments here and there, helping our crew adjust to being home." She leaned into the touch of his hand on her cheek. "Worrying about a certain former first officer of mine who disappeared without a trace."

"Oh, Kathryn." Unable to wait another moment, he gathered her into his arms and pulled her close. "I'm sorry." He was shaking, then, and she was crying, and his own tears were falling into her hair.

She caressed the back of his neck, her hand finding its way into his hair. "Tell me what you've been through," she whispered through tears as he held her trembling body.

"I do want to talk," he admitted, pulling away and wiping his eyes. "But not here."

"Of course," she replied, putting a little distance between them. "Where are you staying?" She looked around him. "Do you have a bag? Any belongings?"

He shook his head and gestured to his clothes. "I replicated these this morning. I think all my stuff is in storage. Starfleet assigned me to some temporary quarters, but I haven't been there yet."

"I have a week of leave," she said tentatively. "I was planning on spending it at Lake George. Would you like to spend a few days there, with me? Or would you rather be alone? There's plenty of room at the lake; you'd have your privacy."

"I've spent enough time alone over the last few months to last me a long time. I would love to come to Lake George, if it's not too much of an imposition."

She couldn't hide the joy she felt at his decision. "Great! Are you ready to go? Would you like to stop by your storage bay first and get some things?"

"Honestly, the thought of going through all that stuff right now is exhausting."

"It's okay." She reached out and touched his arm. "We can replicate whatever you need at the house."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Let's go." She held his arm as they walked to the nearest transporter room. They beamed to the transporter station at Lake George and took the Janeway family hovercar from there, making most of the journey in silence.

When they arrived at the lake and got out of the car, Chakotay took a deep breath. "You were right, Kathryn. The air smells better in real life."

She looked at him. "I can't believe you remember that conversation. That was how many years ago?"

"About five, I think, but I could never forget that night. Some things stick with you. I see you didn't forget it, either."

She blushed and looked away from him. "No, I didn't."

Kathryn gave Chakotay the grand tour and showed him to his room. They each took some time to get settled, and an hour later, he found her on the deck that overlooked the lake, bracing herself on the railing with both palms. He came up next to her and mimicked her posture, and she gave him a sidelong glance. "Do you want to talk?"

"I do. But not about what happened to me. All I've been doing for three weeks is talking about it with counselors and admirals. I want to talk about something else. I want to think about something else."

"Okay. Are you hungry?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you offering to cook?"

"This replicator and I go way back," she replied, gesturing in the general direction of the kitchen. "We have a much better relationship than I did with my replicator on _Voyager_."

He laughed. "If you say so."

"I do," she replied, putting her hands on her hips. "Now, have a seat, Commander, and I'll be right back with some lunch."

He gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

A few minutes later, she returned with two salads, a basket of bread, and two glasses of iced tea. The salad was actually good, Chakotay teased her, and they fell into an easy, familiar banter. They talked about their crew, and Kathryn filled him in on all the gossip that she knew-who was dating whom, everyone's new assignments, Jenny Delaney was married and had already gotten pregnant.

The afternoon passed quickly as they reminisced. They laughed a lot, and Kathryn realized it had been a long time since she had laughed so much in one afternoon. They weren't ready for some of the deeper conversations that she knew they needed to have, but if the last six months had taught her one thing, it was not to mince words. "I'm glad you're here with me, Chakotay," she said that night as they sat together on the dock watching the sunset.

He didn't look at her, his eyes riveted to the pink sun slowly dipping into the lake, but she saw him take in a long breath, and then he said, "So am I."

...

That night, Kathryn lay awake in bed, tossing and turning. The day had been wonderful. They had talked, eaten and swum in the lake. At 2300 hours, they had both been exhausted and had retired to their separate bedrooms. But despite her exhaustion, Kathryn couldn't sleep. Her mind kept churning through the events of the day, and snippets of Admiral Janeway's letter kept running through her head. It certainly seemed that her friendship with Chakotay was back on solid ground, but there was so much they still hadn't talked about. She'd had a lot of time over the past six months to think about their relationship, and one thing she had realized was that they had always avoided talking about issues that were too emotional or too personal.

After the _Equinox_, after Teero, after Quarra, even after New Earth, they had never really talked about what they had been through, and she could see, in retrospect, how this habit had weakened their friendship over time. She could also see them easily slipping back into the same pattern if they weren't careful. _I saw that he was suffering, but I didn't know how to help him_, the admiral had written._ I didn't want to add my burden to the one he was already carrying. But I still needed him; I missed him desperately._ Silently, she vowed not to make the same mistake as her older counterpart.

Finally, she slipped into a restless sleep, only to be jolted awake by a cry from the other room. She bolted upright and looked at the chronometer. It read 0336. She waited for a moment, and then heard the sound again; it was definitely coming from Chakotay's room. She grabbed her robe from beside the bed and hurried down the hallway. His door was closed, and she knocked. "Chakotay?"

There was another muffled yell, and then she heard, "No! I won't tell you. No, no."

He was having a nightmare, she realized. She'd had plenty of nightmares like this one after she'd been captured by the Cardassians as an ensign. She opened the door to his room slowly, so as not to startle him if he were to awaken.

"Stop it!" he murmured, tossing and turning amidst the sheets. "Stop, please."

"Chakotay," she called, hesitant to approach him. "Chakotay, wake up."

"No! Leave me alone."

She knew it was not a response to her, but to something he was seeing in his nightmare. He curled up in a ball and began to whimper; Kathryn had never seen him so vulnerable in all the years that she'd known him. She perched on the edge of the bed and shook his shoulders. "Chakotay! Wake up."

His eyes shot open, and at first he recoiled from her. Then he realized where he was. "Kathryn?"

"You were having a bad dream." She ran her hand over his damp forehead and through his hair, and he relaxed back against the pillows.

"I'm sorry I woke you."

"Please, don't be sorry." She touched the backs of her fingers lightly to his cheek. "Tell me about it."

He sighed and looked away for a moment. Just when she was about to tell him what she'd been thinking about their old habits, he turned back to her. "This is going to require a pot of coffee."

She gave him one of her cockeyed smiles. "That is one thing I do know to make without a replicator."

When they were settled at the kitchen table with two mugs of steaming hot coffee, Chakotay looked across the table at the woman who had been his best friend for seven years. "It's funny, I've told this story dozens of times to counselors and admirals and psychologists. But this feels different."

"Because I know you."

He nodded. "I know you understand." He sipped his coffee. "I don't know where to start."

"Wherever you want to."

He looked down into his mug and then back at her. "I thought about you a lot."

"You did?" She was genuinely surprised.

"I did. I knew you were upset about my relationship with Seven, and I regretted that we had parted on such uncertain terms."

"So did I." She planned to share her letter from the admiral with him, but she knew this was not the right time. It was his turn to tell his story; it would be her turn later.

"I kept thinking that I had to survive, so that I could get back to you. So I could fix our friendship. I kept thinking you were probably livid that I hadn't told you where I was going or even said goodbye."

She shook her head. "I was worried, Chakotay, but not angry. I knew it must have been a terribly important mission."

"It was. If the Breen had been planning another invasion, we needed to know immediately. I guess with my tactical background and my experience in the Maquis, Starfleet felt that I was the perfect man for the job. And to be honest, I wanted to get away from all the hubbub surrounding _Voyager_'s return. Seven and I had ended things, and I didn't see any reason not to take the job. I thought I'd be able to get in and get out before anyone started missing me. That was the plan."

"But that's not what happened."

"No. The Doctor had cosmetically altered my appearance so I wouldn't be so recognizable, but they still made me. It was some kind of routine surveillance that we weren't expecting. Even though I didn't look human, the bioscan revealed my true race. They didn't know who I was or who I was working for, but they knew I didn't belong there. I was taken to one of their secure holding facilities." He shuddered, and she reached across the table to squeeze his hand before she got up to pour them more coffee.

They talked until the gentle glow of dawn emerged on the horizon. Or, more accurately, Chakotay talked, and Kathryn listened, offering the occasional sympathetic word or squeeze of the hand. He told her of his imprisonment and the torture that the Breen had inflicted on him as they tried to make him reveal his identity and his mission. He told her how hopeless he'd begun to feel, towards the end, when he'd thought Starfleet had given him up for dead. He told her how afraid he'd been of dying in that cell without ever being able to say goodbye to his friends or family. He told her how he'd begun to hallucinate, and sometimes he thought she was there, sometimes his sister, sometimes his father. And Kathryn listened, absorbing every word.

It was after 0600 by the time Chakotay finished telling his story, and he leaned back in his chair. "I'm exhausted."

She scooted into the chair next to him, slipping her arm through his and taking his hand between both of hers. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for telling me."

He turned his head and pressed his lips to her hair. "I'm glad I did. I feel better. Better than I did after telling any of those admirals or counselors." He took a deep breath which turned into a long yawn.

Kathryn sat up and looked at him. "You should get some sleep."

"So should you."

"Why don't we both get some rest. It's supposed to be a nice day, and we can go for a boat ride later."

"The sailboat?" he asked with a grin.

"No," she replied with a devilish look in her eyes. "The speed boat."


	4. Chapter 4

It was after 1100 when Kathryn awoke again, this time to the smell of fresh coffee and something delicious cooking in the kitchen. She grinned as she realized that Chakotay was making breakfast, and obviously not using the replicator. After fresh omelets, fruit and toast, along with another pot of coffee, they both felt refreshed and ready to enjoy another day at the lake.

That afternoon, as Kathryn had promised, she took Chakotay down to the boat house. "Where's the sailboat?" he asked. "Or was that just part of the holodeck program?"

"No, we really do have a sailboat, but our boathouse isn't big enough for it. We keep the sailboat over at the marina. We can take it out one day, if you'd like, but this is better for an afternoon boat ride." Together, they cranked the boat into the water, and Kathryn jumped in over the railing. "Meet me at the dock."

Chakotay obeyed, watching as she sat at the back of the boat and took the handle of the motor, easily manipulating the small vessel away from the boathouse and up next to the dock. She grabbed the dock and held on, keeping the boat close enough for Chakotay to climb in. He hadn't quite regained his full mobility yet, but he had no trouble stepping from the dock into the boat. There were three benches, including the one Kathryn was sitting on, and he chose the middle one. "Life jackets are in the front," she said.

"Are you planning to sink the ship?" he asked, teasing.

"Absolutely not, Commander. But I did think it was a good idea to have them aboard in case you wanted to drive."

He laughed and enjoyed the breeze on his face as she backed the boat away from the dock and steered them towards the center of the bay. "I haven't driven a boat since I was about fourteen," he said.

She winked at him. "Watch and learn." Then she turned the handle on the motor, cranked up the speed, and they were off, racing through the open water.

Chakotay tilted his face up at the sun, enjoying the combination of the cool wind and the sun's warmth. Starfleet thought he needed counseling and doctor's visits, but he knew that time at Lake George with Kathryn was the medicine he really needed in order to heal. They whizzed around the bay, and as they passed another boat, Kathryn waved at its occupants. "Do you know those people?" he called back to her, raising his voice over the engine's whir.

She slowed down so they could talk more easily. "Nope. It's lake etiquette."

"Lake etiquette?"

"You always wave at passing boats, even if you don't know the people."

"I like that."

"Me, too." She sped up again, heading for one end of the bay. As they neared the shore, he saw that the lake opened up to a small riverbed, and she slowed the boat as she piloted into the mouth of the river.

"This is beautiful," he said as they drove slowly past cabins and houses. There were children playing on some of the docks, jumping into the water and laughing in delight. "There was a river like this near where I grew up. My brothers and sisters and I used to play in it all the time."

"Is that where you learned to drive a boat?" she asked.

"Yes. I was only eight or nine when I first learned. My older cousin taught me, against my mother's wishes, I think."

She chuckled. "I can only imagine. Phoebe and I had a lot of good times at this lake growing up."

As they glided down the river at a leisurely pace, they lapsed into conversation about their families and their childhoods. When the conversation came to a lull, Chakotay said, "So, when do I get to drive?"

"Are you sure you remember how?"

"I think I've got the hang of it. Besides, if I forget something, I've got the master here to instruct me."

She rolled her eyes and idled the motor. Carefully, she stood so they could switch places, but just as they were passing each other, the boat tipped a little to one side. Kathryn nearly stumbled, and Chakotay caught her arms, steadying her. They regained their balance quickly, and the boat stayed upright. "Okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied, looking up to find her face only inches away from his. Her breath caught in her throat and she gazed into his eyes for several moments before she realized she was blushing and broke away.

Chakotay sat down on the back bench where Kathryn had been sitting. "Permission to take the helm, Captain?"

She laughed. "Granted."

He did, indeed, remember how to drive a boat, and as he steered them back up the river without incident, Kathryn moved to sit at the boat's bow. It had been her favorite seat ever since she was a child; she loved the feeling of being first, the water streaming by underneath her, the wind in her face. It was like flying while still being on the ground.

When they reached open water again, Chakotay accelerated. He watched Kathryn as she leaned forward, the wind blowing her hair back from her face. She glanced back at him, her expression one of pure joy, and his heart lifted at the sight. Another boat passed by them, and they both waved. Then he angled their boat into the other boat's wake, and watched Kathryn throw her head back in laughter as the boat bumped over the waves and spray from the lake flew into her face. He drove around in another circle so they would cross over the other boat's wake again, just to see her delight.

Then, as he directed the boat in the direction of the cabin, he slowed down. "Kathryn, look," he said, pointing to the horizon. Dark clouds had started to gather, and it looked like they were rolling in quickly.

"I heard the forecast for storms, but they weren't supposed to come in till this evening."

"Well, it looks like it's going to be storming a little earlier than they expected."

"Here," she said, slowly moving towards his end of the boat, "let me drive." She took the driver's seat again, and sped them towards the cabin, but by the time they pulled up to the dock, big, heavy droplets of rain were already falling. Chakotay clambered out of the boat onto the dock, using the strength of his good arm to compensate for his weaker left side.

As Kathryn steered the boat around to the boathouse, it started to rain harder. She drove up onto the ramp, and the automated system secured the boat. By the time she was ready to jump down onto the ground, Chakotay had made it into the boathouse and was waiting for her. She almost protested that she didn't need any help, but then she thought of the admiral's letter, and the protest died on her tongue. She took the proffered hand as she jumped over the side of the boat and landed on the soft earth. "Come on, we better get inside," she said, hearing the rain pounding on the boathouse roof.

Keeping his hand in hers, she led him out of the boathouse and up the hill towards the cabin. Chakotay tried to keep pace with her, but a light tug on her hand reminded her that he wasn't fully recovered yet and couldn't run up the hill, even though the rain was pelting them hard. She looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry."

"I'm sorry. You're getting all wet." It was true; the rain was soaking through their clothes, and her hair was matted to her face.

"It will dry," she replied, laughing, letting her pace slow as they made their way up the hill towards the house. A loud clap of thunder startled her, and she jumped backwards, bumping into Chakotay. They were only a few meters from the house, and she was about to apologize and step away from him when she found herself caught in his arms, her back pressed against his broad chest. She turned to look up at him and felt her arms go around his body, which was still a little too thin, but strong and muscular. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, illuminating the intensity of his dark eyes as he gazed down at her.

His big hands caressed her face, wiping away the droplets of water even as more fell. He cupped her face between his hands and lowered his lips to hers. And then he was tasting her, their lips touching, molding together, saliva mingling with the raindrops that were soaking them both to the bone. But they didn't care. One of his arms circled around her back, pulling her closer, while the other cupped the back of her head. Her hand snaked around the back of his neck, and she pulled him deeper, allowing his tongue entrance into her mouth, enjoying the contrast of his warm body and the cold rain falling all around them. Another burst of thunder made her jump, and he gently broke the kiss. They were both breathless as she collapsed against his chest, and he stroked his hands through her wet hair. Lightning pierced the air, and he grabbed her hand. "Come on!" he shouted over the storm. "Let's get inside."

Kathryn's whole body was humming with sensation, and it took his words a moment to penetrate the haze of arousal that was clouding her mind, but she knew he was right. They made it the few meters to the screen porch and hurried inside, the door slamming behind them. As she looked at Chakotay, water dripping from the end of his nose, his clothes sticking to him, she began to laugh, and couldn't stop. Then, he was laughing, too, doubled over, hysterical, and she was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes. Then, Chakotay grabbed her hand and pulled her close, and her laughter died on her lips as he kissed her again, firm and sweet.

She pulled away gently. "We should get out of these wet clothes." She reached up and brushed aside a lock of hair that had fallen into his face.

"Okay."

"Leave your shoes in the porch. I don't want to track mud into the house."

He grinned at her, his dimples prominent. "Yes, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes and removed her own shoes, her body still tingling with the aftereffects of their kiss. Then she slipped into her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes, and he went into his room to do the same.

When she emerged a few minutes later, wearing jeans and a lightweight navy blue v-neck sweater, she saw that he had changed into black jeans and a striped button down shirt. He had pulled the quilt off the back of the sofa and was sitting there waiting for her. "Come here," he said, holding the quilt open. It wasn't cold in the house, but the rain had left both of them feeling a little chilled.

She snuggled in beside him, curling into his side as he put his arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips to her forehead. Thunder crashed and lightning lanced across the sky, and they watched the storm through the big glass doors that opened onto the deck. The wind was whipping up the lake, and white capped waves crashed up against the dock. Even though it was only late afternoon, the sky had taken on a dark grey hue. As the thunder roared, Kathryn snuggled closer into Chakotay's side. "That was fun," she murmured.

"Better than fun," was his reply as he tilted his head down to hers again. This was a gentle exploration, lips and tongues meeting and dancing together slowly, languidly. She discovered that running her tongue along the inside of his bottom lip made him moan, and he learned gradually just how she liked to be kissed.

She broke the kiss and nuzzled against him, draping one arm over his chest. "I forgot what this was like."

"What?" he asked, his fingers drawing lazy circles on her arm.

"This." She gestured between the two of them. "I didn't know it was possible for me to feel this way anymore."

"Feel what way?"

She tilted her head up and kissed his chin. "Protected. Desired. Cared for. And to feel those things in return, too."

He turned his face to hers, allowing their lips to meet in a kiss he infused with all the love and desire he felt for her. "Spirits, I missed you. Every day I was in that damn hospital room, I was pestering the Doctor to let me see you. Then finally, I just capitulated and did everything they wanted me to do, because I realized they weren't going to let me out until they decided I was 'well' again."

"The poor Doctor. He was getting it from both sides." She snuggled her arms around him and hugged him tighter. "I missed you, too."

Outside, the rain was still coming down in droves, pounding the rooftop incessantly, and thunder rumbled in the distance. "When I was a little girl, and I was afraid of the thunder, my grandma used to say that there was someone bowling up there," Kathryn remembered.

"My grandfather used to tell me that long ago, an evil spirit unleashed the waters upon the earth and killed many of our people. Ever since, the spirits have been on the lookout for this evil trickster, and whenever they see him, they threaten him with their thunder and shoot at him with their lightning bolts."

"Does that mean there's an evil spirit around?"

Chakotay chuckled. "I guess it depends on how much stock you put in ancient legends."

She snapped her head around to look at him, wondering whether he had made the reference on purpose. He said nothing, but smiled and kissed her full on the mouth. They sat snuggled together under the blanket while the storm raged on outside. Through the sliding glass doors, they could see the lightning as it lanced out, like white veins running through the dark sky. The thunder boomed, and waves crashed against the shore.

"I always liked storms," Chakotay mused.

"I always hated them."

"Until that plasma storm on New Earth." She pulled back to look up at his face, surprised that he would mention their forced exile so directly. Like so many things, they had never discussed New Earth, but it seemed right that they should speak of it now. "It wasn't the first time I almost lost you, but it was the first time I realized what losing you would do to me."

The admiral's words echoed in her mind. _I realized, after he was gone, that he meant much more to me than I had ever admitted to myself._ "Chakotay, stay here with me," she said impulsively.

He laughed softly. "I am here with you."

"No, I mean the rest of the week, not just two or three days like we originally planned. Can you? Would you like to, I mean?"

"That sounds like paradise. Of course I'll stay. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"I want to go sailing."

"That sounds like a promise I can keep. Let's just wait till the rain stops, okay?"

"Oh don't worry, I think we can keep ourselves occupied until then." And he rested his head on top of hers and pulled her close just as a crack of thunder roared through the sky.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, for the second morning in a row, Kathryn woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and breakfast being cooked. They had stayed up late talking the night before, and hadn't gone to bed till after 0200, when they had reluctantly retired to their separate bedrooms. Even so, she was surprised to find it was nearly 1000 when she awoke. "You're going to spoil me," she said, as she emerged into the kitchen, cinching her robe around her waist.

Chakotay smiled enigmatically, kissed her and poured her a cup of coffee. They ate fresh berries and eggs florentine and talked about their plans. They would enjoy another day at the cabin, and then head out on their sailing trip the next day.

Kathryn cleaned up the breakfast dishes since Chakotay had cooked, and they both spent some time reading and working on their own projects. Kathryn was surprised at how easily they were able to maneuver around each other in the cabin, together, but each able to do their own thing. She supposed that she shouldn't have been surprised; it had been similar on New Earth, but they hadn't known each other nearly as well, then.

After a light lunch, they decided to go for a walk. Chakotay's pace was still slow, but he was getting stronger every day. "This place is healing me faster than all the doctors and psychiatrists Starfleet could throw at me," he said as they trudged down the path, the summer sun beating down on them.

When they arrived back at the house, they were both hot and sweaty, despite the leisurely pace of their walk. "How about a swim?" Kathryn suggested. "Last one in the water is a rotten dog bird egg!"

Of course, she won the contest, able to shimmy out of her summer dress and into her swimsuit, then run down to the water's edge faster than Chakotay could find his swim trunks. She was already wading out into the water when he reached the edge of the beach. He snuck up behind her and grabbed her around the waist. She squealed as he tossed her into the water. She came up, spluttering, pretending to be angry with him. "That's what you get for calling me a rotten dog bird egg," he said with a grin.

He waded out of the water and made his way up onto the dock where the warm sunshine soaked into his skin. He looked up at the sky, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air. He was so engrossed in his enjoyment that he didn't hear Kathryn creeping up behind him, anxious for retaliation. She pushed him, hard, and he stumbled and fell off the dock into the water. She jumped in after him, expecting him to surface again immediately. When he didn't, she became concerned. Had she pushed him harder than she thought? Was he still that weak from his injuries? Had he hit his head on a rock in the water? "Chakotay?" she called, looking around anxiously. "Chakotay?" There was not even a disturbance in the lake to indicate where he might have fallen. "Chakotay!"

Then she felt something brush past her leg, and before she could react, she felt herself flying up in the air. She hit the water with barely enough time to hold her breath before she went under again. A strong pair of arms encircled her waist, and then her head was above water and she was in Chakotay's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You scared me half to death! I thought you'd fallen and hit your head."

"I used to scare my sisters that way when I was a kid. I'd hold my breath and swim along the bottom of the river, then grab them and flip them over. I wondered if I could still do it."

"Well, now that you've assured yourself of your capabilities, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't scare me like that again."

"Sorry." He nuzzled her nose with his, and then found her lips for a probing kiss. She wrapped her legs around his waist and gently ran her fingernails down the back of his neck. She was weightless in his arms, and her body was warm, pressed against his as his tongue explored her mouth.

"Not that sorry," she whispered in his ear as she peppered kisses along his jawline and ran her tongue over his earlobe, making him shudder. Then she untangled herself from him and began to swim away. "Let's swim to the point."

"Kathryn Janeway, you are an evil, evil woman!" he called as he set out after her. She laughed and kept swimming. A ways down the shore, the land jutted out into the water, forming a sharp point. They swam close to the shore, but by the time they reached the point and turned around Chakotay was breathing hard. It was the most physical exertion he'd experienced since before his imprisonment, but he refused to give up or let Kathryn see his fatigue as they completed their swim.

By the time they made it back to the cabin, he was struggling to keep up with her, and she slowed her pace to swim next to him. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I didn't think..."

"It's okay," he said as he planted his feet in the sand. "I feel a lot stronger than I did." As he trudged out of the water and lost his buoyancy, his step faltered, and Kathryn hurried to his side, insinuating herself under his arm so he could lean on her. She helped him to a lawn chair, and he collapsed into it. She pulled up another chair next to him.

"Are you sure you're okay? Can I get you anything?"

He reached over to squeeze her hand. "I like seeing this side of you."

"I'll get us some lemonade. You rest." She leaned over and kissed his cheek and then headed up to the house.

They sat by the water and drank ice cold lemonade and sunbathed until they were both warm and dry. Kathryn let Chakotay nap while she prepared dinner, after much teasing and cajoling from him. She was feeling a completely irrational need to prove that she was capable of making a decent meal without using a replicator, so she settled on a pasta salad with lots of vegetables and a smoked mozzarella cheese. Then she pulled a bottle of Viognier out of the family wine cellar and set the table on the deck.

Just as she was placing the last fork on the table, Chakotay emerged from his bedroom. "Looks good," he said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She leaned back into his embrace and turned her head so they could share a brief kiss.

"I didn't even use the replicator."

They sat down, and he looked at his dish of pasta dubiously. "Maybe you should try it first, just to make sure it's not lethal."

She glared at him.

"I'm just kidding, Kathryn. I'm sure it's delicious." To prove he wasn't joking this time, he took a big bite of pasta.

She raised her wine glass. "Cheers."

He clinked his glass against hers. "To renewing friendships."

"And exploring new possibilities," she echoed, looking at him shyly.

He raised an eyebrow and smiled. "I'll drink to that."

"This really is good," he said, shoveling another forkful of pasta into his mouth. She was quiet while they ate, preoccupied with her thoughts. After dinner, he reached across the table and took her hand. "What are you thinking about?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"I'm listening."

"Wait here." She squeezed his hand and disappeared into the house, then returned a moment later with a PADD. "I found this, in my belongings, about two weeks after we got home. You're the only person I've shared it with." She handed him the admiral's letter and watched his eyes widen as he realized what it was.

He read every word carefully, riveted to the PADD. _What happened to my Chakotay? He died not long after we made it home. Another thing to add to my long list of regrets... When I found out about him and Seven, it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I officiated at their wedding. I smiled. I put on a brave face. _"I always wondered what she told Seven," he murmured. "Seven never shared it with me." _I still talk to him, you know. Unfortunately, it's been a one way conversation for many years. _He looked up at the Kathryn Janeway who was sitting across from him. "It must have been terrible for her."

She nodded. "It must have been."

_ I've always wondered, if I had handled the situation differently, what would have happened between us. Don't lose him, Kathryn. You need him and he needs you. This is your last chance. Don't waste it. _When he finished reading, he looked up, finding Kathryn's eyes, sure that the emotional impact the letter had had on him was plain to see on his face. "She was right. The future is never set in stone." His voice was soft, and his hand sought hers across the table.

"She was right about a lot of things. I spent the last six months living without you, and that was more than enough for me to learn that I don't like it at all." She paused. "The morning after I read this letter, I tried to call you, to see what I could do about repairing our friendship."

"Two weeks after we got home? I had already left on the mission," he realized.

She nodded slowly. "The admiral tried to give me a second chance. I thought I blew it." Her voice caught in her throat as she remembered the hopelessness and fear she'd felt when she'd found out he was missing.

"Hey," he said, crossing around the table to pull her up out of her chair and into his arms. "I think we both got another chance."

...

Early the next morning, they headed to the marina. Chakotay was being very secretive about a large bag he'd brought along for the trip, and Kathryn was dying of curiosity. Chakotay wasn't budging, however, determined to keep his secret.

They hoisted the sails and launched the boat. It was a beautiful day to go sailing, with just enough of a breeze to keep them moving. Puffy clouds flitted across the sky as they set sail into the open bay. They planned to spend at least one night on the boat and sail from one end of the lake to the other. Kathryn taught Chakotay everything she knew about sailing, and he discovered that sailing in real life was a lot harder than sailing on the holodeck. After the previous day's swimming adventure, she was careful not to push him too hard.

As evening approached, they dropped anchor and lowered the mainsail. Chakotay ushered Kathryn below decks and instructed her to wait there for several minutes. "Am I going to find out what you've been plotting all day?" she asked.

He winked at her. "If you're good." A few minutes later, when he was ready, Chakotay called down the hatch, "You can come out now."

She climbed up the ladder and clasped his hand as he helped her onto the deck. He took advantage of her hand in his, pulling her into an embrace and entwining his fingers in her hair for a passionate kiss. "You didn't need to send me below decks for that," she said when they separated.

"But I did for this," he replied, gesturing with one arm to the deck of the boat. He had laid out a beautiful picnic - bread, cheese, strawberries and a bottle of champagne in the chiller, with two crystal champagne flutes.

"Chakotay, this is beautiful," she breathed. "It's just like..."

"Just like the holodeck five years ago," he agreed. Then he took a deep breath. "Except the air smells better." He sat down on the picnic blanket and motioned for her to join him. "But this is a celebration of life, too."

"Thank you. This is wonderful."

He spread some brie on a piece of bread and held it up to her mouth so she could take a bite. She passed him a strawberry, raising it to his lips. He ate the berry off her fingers, and then licked each finger, one by one, making sure to get all the juices. Then he held a strawberry up for her, and she ate it slowly, keeping eye contact with him as she swirled her tongue over each of his digits in turn. She sipped her champagne and savored the cool, fizzy sensation on her tongue. He took a long drink from his glass, then leaned over and kissed her, their tongues entwining, both cool and tasting of champagne.

She settled back against him and sighed contentedly as he fed her another strawberry. The sun was beginning to dip lower, lining the clouds with gold and silver. The sunlight cast a golden path across the water, and Kathryn raised an arm towards the sky. "Sometimes, it seems almost like you can touch the clouds from here."

Chakotay kissed the top of her head and chuckled. "I never knew you were such a romantic."

"It's this place. It brings out my poetic side."

"I remember you told me on the holodeck that even though Indiana would always be home, this place gave you peace. I wanted to recreate that night for you, to make up for the chance_ I_ missed back then."

"What chance was that?" she asked, sitting up and turning to face him.

He cupped her cheek in his hand. "The chance to tell you that I love you."

Sudden tears welled in her eyes, and she turned her face into his hand to kiss his palm, and then wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her face into his shoulder for a moment and then pulled back so she could look him in the eye. "I love you, too. And Admiral Janeway was right; I don't want to live without you."

"We're not going to waste our second chance, Kathryn. I promise you that."

She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, and he reached up to brush them away with the pads of his thumbs. He cupped her face between his hands, like he had that day in the rain, and lowered his lips to hers for a long kiss. Then they settled against each other and watched as the sun dipped lower on the horizon and the scattered clouds turned bright pink and then deep purple as it sank into the lake.

"Chakotay, what do you say to spending another week here?" she asked quietly as she traced patterns on his broad chest. "I have a lot of leave stored up, and no pending assignments."

He laced his fingers through hers. "I hate to say it, but I think you're stuck with me. Here or wherever else you'll have me."

She looked up at him with eyes full of hope, and he smiled at her expression. "So, you'll come home with me to San Francisco when my leave is up? Am I rushing things too much?"

Dusk was falling and the first stars were appearing in the sky as he laid her back against the deck, settling his weight on top of her and kissing her deeply. He ran his fingers through her hair and then caressed her cheek, looking down at her with eyes full of passion, love and promises. "Kathryn Janeway, I should have followed you home a long time ago."


End file.
